SIX DEGREES OF PERSUASION

Influencing Through Listening

In active listening, the listener remains silent so as to organize what the speaker is saying (main ideas and key words) and then to analyze and compare what is being said to what the listener thinks or knows. Remaining silent also allows the listener to hear the feelings and emotions behind the words so that it is possible to try to understand the speaker’s point of view. Active listening means that the listener should refrain from interrupting, arguing, passing judgment, or jumping to conclusions.

The following guidelines incorporate the use of active listening skills as a means of persuading others to accept your point of view.

1. Understand the other person’s point of view. You cannot expect to persuade someone of anything until you clearly understand that person’s present position and attitude. Nobody likes to be out-talked. You can persuade people only if they are willing to listen to you. The best way to get them to listen to you is first to listen to them.

2. Don’t jump to conclusions. Never assume that you know what someone else needs or what he or she is thinking or is going to say next. By jumping to conclusions, you cut off listening, even if for a few seconds, because it takes only a few moments to miss some important information. Listening is done with an open mind. When your mind is closed, you merely hear.

3. Be respectful. Without an attitude of respect, you might hear what others are saying, but you are not likely to really listen to them. It will be evident if you don’t respect the person you are trying to persuade, and this can contribute to increased resistance to your opinion. Respect for other opinions and ideas can help you understand and present your own interests better.

4. Control your emotions. Once your emotions get out of control, you are more likely to jump to conclusions and become judgmental. You will find yourself not listening carefully, and this in turn may fuel the fire for the other person to argue with you. Once this happens, it may become difficult for the other party to listen to you rationally.

5. Repeat to clarify. Repeat what you think the other person said to be sure that you understood the message correctly. The speaker will be receptive once he or she sees that you are making an effort to comprehend exactly what is being said rather than arguing or disagreeing. You will find that you are able to listen more carefully when you acknowledge beforehand that you will try to articulate your perception of the other’s point of view.

6. Keep the dialogue going. It is important to keep the dialogue going so that the other person is discouraged from fighting or shutting down. Because people seldom argue on a completely rational basis, it’s necessary to acknowledge the emotions and opinions that affect a discussion.